wat the fu*k is happen 2 me???

wat is this feeliin i hafiin now???
is been goiin 2 b a yr le...
y is this fu*kiin heart pain is gettiin worst???
y???
really is tat so hard 2 love a guy lik me???
ppl alway say i am a gd person a gd boii...
but seem lik a gd guy cant get a gal...
or in another hand...
cant let gals fall in love wif me...
but in my life till now...
there is only 1 gal tat loved me b4 tat i know...
but yet i don love her at all...
is it bcuz i once fail a gal tat is y i cant b loved again???
even thought tat i love her tat much...
so gd 2 her???
never mind le ba...
i been keepiin myself busy w0rkiin...
n very soon i wont b able 2 see her again...
cause when i get in2 army..
i wont b w0rkiin at bqt le...
tat is the only place tat i will see her...
n oso she is moviin 2 a very far place le...
after army...
w0rk 4 mayb another half or a yr then oversea study 2 me le...
mean tat by the time i stop 2 rest...
i will b at least 26 27 le...
by tat time she wont b the same or even don rmb hu is samuel yong anymore le...
oso she will b 24 25 le...
wont b married or goiin 2 b le...
or even haf a child le...
hahaha
n passes so many yr...
n mayb..
i may 4get her le ba...
but b4 i go 2 the army...
i will lik 2 haf a clear break up wif her ba...
hopefully she will meet up...
n hopefully i can 4get her abit more...
hopefully...

sometime i really hope my body will break down..
or even been bang down by a car...
lose my past..
4get eveything...
hahaha
i htink 2 much le la...


i really don understand...
is tat so hard 2 fall in love wif me???
hahaha
mayb i was fated 2 b lik this ba...
mayb i aint a gd person in my past life...
tat y i hafiin this fu*ck up life now...