haix haix

haix....
wei tian tian seem 2 lik her bf alot sia...
seem lik i don stand a chance...
but lik i say i will change...
i will try harder...
hopefully she may lik me....

i tot i can get through

alot of ppl say i was a very strong person...
but the fact i was a very weak person...
i find out in my blog i never write wat type of person i was...
alot of person tot i was a very strong person even my own sister say the same thing...
she every time will say even if throw me in the forest i can live very well...
yes is true tat...
i do haf the skill 2 live well myself...
but i aint a person tat do not lik 2 b alone...
never was...
from young..
there is was alot of problem i tot was nth...
1st is my family...
my parent haf their problems..
they cant gif me wat i wanted...
but really understand wat type of feeliin i haf...
they r gd parents...
but just tat they do not know how 2 see how we feel...
tat all...
but i tot it was alrite...
but now i do not know how 2 talk 2 them...
n added on..
bcuz of my brother...
me my parent will start a fight when we start talkiin...
haix..
y my brother rite??
from young, only my aunt n my brother is the only person tat care 4 me, but bcuz my aunt live far so mean i don see her often n my brother was 9 yrs older then me tat mean he don haf much time 4 me...
but bcuz of a woman..
bcuz of enjoy he changes...
or he was alway lik this tat i don know...
now..
me n my parents n brother is lik water n fire...
not many people know about it..
n only my sister see it...
in other people eyes..
we seem 2 b a normal family...
but the fact is not...
2nd
was my skin problem...
from young...
my skin problem was very bad...
bcuz of this...
i don haf much friends....
the best part is...
i was treated lik a monster..
tat was the time i haf the first feel lik i was not important 2 any1...
i was only 8 when i feel this way...
at tat time i was no hope at anything..
cause wat ever i hoped 4 never happen..
i was a very hot-temp person...
not many people think tat way of me now sia...
bcuz i don belive n hope things..
i show alot of my temp 2 people...
this causes people 2 stay away from me...
then after a few yrs...
i suddenly feel tat y am i alife??
since most of the time i was alone...
at tat time i was 12...
cute rite...
12 yr old wan 2 die sia...
i almost jump down a buildiin...
but bcuz a kid, i understand something about life...
life was never itself..
hu gif me life..
n how i should repay them by gifiin me life...
n i know it feel beiin alone n hurt...
i can help others tat haf the same problem..
the first time i haven done it..
but the sec things, i am proud 2 say...
i been doiin it...
i love kids now..
but i wasnt lik this when i younger...
i hate them..
cause at tat time i never inderstand y can kids laugh n smile lik no worry de...
n most of all...
they don hate...
i undertand y when the kid so call save me...
u know tat kid ar...
i bully him/her b4 (cause i 4get how the kid look lik n don rmb the kid is a gal or boii)..
when i was about 2 jump...
the kid was there..
the kid ask me...
kor kor can play ball wif me...
my parent don let me go downstair play..
only u here can peii me play ma...
i never think anything..
my mind was blank..
but i know i walk down n play wif the kid...
after tat the kid went hm..
so did i...
when i was goiin hm...
i was there thinkiin..
he should hate me..
y do the kid still wan 2 play wif me...
i suddenly understand this...
if life is full of hate...
wat is life 4??
this was the only thing in my life now tat i belive...
so don worry...
i wont gif up my life le...

ofcuz...
i haf alot of bad things..
lik..
hot temp...
sometime think 2 the bad side 2 much...
act..
doiin things over head...
doiin alot of wrong things..
sometime when i was wrong i will never say i was wrong..
haix ya...
i got alot of bad things de la...
no matter wat i still human de ma...
ofcuz got alot of bad things de...
but the best things...
i keep remind me wat i did wrong wan 2 keep chagne 2 b the better...
sometime...
i really wan 2 change back 2 hu i was last time...
yes i was hot-temp..
don talk 2 any1...
but at least i wont care the problem i faciin now...
i know this is call runniin away...
but i really don know wat 2 do..
there is a way i know la...
but..
it wont happen 2 me le la...
i gif up le...
tat is find a gf..
reason ar..
haix yo i lazy 2 write wor..
hahaha
see lor mayb i will explain next time...
beiin hu i am b4..
is oso goiin back 2 where i started...
hopefuly things will turn out gd ba...
haix...
tired le la...
haix yo...
so long never write so long de blog le wor...
haixx...