given up.. finally..

FINALLY!!!

i put rebecca down le...

but ofcuz i do haf feeliin 4 her..

but atleast..

i put her down le..

r/s 2 me is the only thing i don haf..

tat y i want it so much..

but ppl think i despo..

ya la..

despo 4 some1 2 care 4 me la..

friends cant b alway there 4 u..

at least gf will b wif u more often n will show more care..

haix...

wat i wan is very easy n simple de...

but ppl just don understand n hear..

now i sick again...

hu is there 4 me??

haix..

i cough till i cant sleep at nite..

ltr my boss sure don care wan me go back work de..

at nite still got exam...

hahaaha

hope everytime will go well ba..

should i quit smokiin n drinkiin??

haix...

i wonder y do i write so much...

i may look lik a idiot, but i aint not one...

hu i am is hu i am...

wat the hell

wat is friendship??

seriously la..

just a simple meet up..

is it so hard..

so wat i am stranger 2 u..

since u gif me ur number n haf talk 4 sometime..

just bcome u emo, then suddenly don wan talk 2 me..

say i donno u..

so don wan talk 2 much 2 u??

n yet u say u don haf much friends..

friends is jsut a passer-by..

wtf..

wat u did 2 me..

i guess u did it 2 many ppl..

normal friends u can say i donno u tat much so i don wan talk 2 u..

how u will get true friends??

haix...

sch, life, army...

is sure so mess up..

n fuck up..

just needed some1 2 peii 2 talk 2 is it so hard??

wat the fuck...

is not lik i wan gf leh..

is i just wan a friends tat i can talk my heart out..

i try..

but yet ppl just don wan gif u a chance..

is a chance 2 b friends leh..

not gf leh..

so wat the fuck u been hurt..

u think u r the only 1 hurt b4??

just bcuz u gal u think u get the worst..

fuck la...

u protect urself..

not block out every1..

haix..

ppl nowadays really know how 2 use ppl..

u all use me i don mind at all lo..

but in return..

just peii me..

talk 2 me...

tat hard ma...

wat??

i ghost ar..

i robot is it..

i don haf feeliin meh..

does not means i don show means i don haf lo...

fuck la..

i really wan just find a gf n fuck off from others lo..

haix...

hmm.. i think i start 2 turn 2 my old life sia..

i haf done thing tat aint tat gd wif gals..

hmm..

this will hurt their feeliin...

i know i never force them or anything..

is she ok i ok de..

but yet..

i did things 2 hurt her..

haix..

this mayb a gd thing 4 me..

as i start 2 care 4 myself more..

but yet hurtiin ppl??

tat isnt the thing i wan 2 do..

i change bcuz i don wan 2 hurt myself nor others..

wat can i do??

hmmm...

i really did change..

but yet is hu i am b4..

tat aint gd at all..

ppl should move forward..

not back..

hmmm...

just hope the things i do will not harm my parents..

the wrong i did..

i bear it myself..

at least i feel sry..

tat means i haven turn 2 him yet...

which is gd..

means tat i could able 2 change back...

haix..

but means tat..

i will hurt myself??

hmmmm

i think alot of ppl will say i should just care 4 myself then others...

but yet..

i don wan 2 hurt or harm others..

wat should i do??

WAT?!?!?!?!?!

haix

hmmm should plan 4 my life le...

i should plan 4 my life le sia...

time really do fly..

now i am 21 le...

very soon i haf 2 get out 2 the world n live le...

i haf a choice...

or more then 1 instead..

i can choice 2 work part-time...

n study or i could work full time n work part-time...

alot of my friends is been askiin me 2 b in a business wif them...

weird 2 say..

they say i could b in gd help...

i wonder...

i aint rich..

nor tat smart...

but y find me??

they told me i haf a view tat no other haf...

do i??

i really don think tat way...

just tat i think deeper n more then normal ppl ba...

i bet there r much more ppl tat is able 2 do better then me outside...

there is alway this sayiin...

there is a mountain higher then another...

n there will b a sky tat is higher then mountain...

so...

there wont b a person tat is forever the top...

there will b up n downs..

i plan 2 buy a cam this yr...

then end of the yr a ipad...

or mayb a remote airplane...

the best is this 3 by this yr...

hope i can make it...

mayb is time 2 gif up...

mayb is time 4 me 2 gif up le...
but again...
y do i still hang on...
partly is i am afraid...
how many gals will able 2 b wif me wif the skin problem i haviin...
ya..
there is a sayiin...
no matter how bad u look...
as long as i love u...
but b4 ppl love me..
i guess my skin problem may scare them away...
but again...
is just a mayb...
i am a person tat keep 2 myself alot...
n i don darn 2 step in2 a area tat i don know...
is it the time 4 me 2 step out???
haix...
sometime i rather 2 live i was..
i don care how others look at me...
do wat i lik...
or in a way i think is right...
but...
in life ppl haf 2 move on...
no matter how much wanted 2 turn around...
no matter how many time u haf done wrong...
as long keep tryiin...
we r able 2 ans 2 ourself...
no matter is gd or bad...
fail or pass...

there is only 1 life 4 every1...
every1 will n can haf a sec chance...
but yet...
hu will gif a sec chance??
is every1 haf a sec chance???
haix...
this is life...
life is alway a question...

now i am 21th le...
there more heavy loads on my shoulder le..
family..
life..
sch
army...

family??
haix..
not goiin 2 talk 2 much about it...
just dissapointed..

life??
1 word...
sux..

sch...
hahaha..
was lik hell...
almost unable 2 keep up...
hopefuly i could pull through..

army??
BEST SIA...
i tot officer should settle problem then let it worsts??
then in the end i haf 2 get in 2 settle..
hu am i??
i just a PTE SAMUEL...
wat could i do??
wat can i do??

over all...
my life is sure a 'happeniin' thing 2 see...
but this is life??
hu 2 blame??
hmmm good question...

times passes...

time really pass fast...

now i am 21th le...

2day is rebecca 19th bday...

haix...

but the most sad part about bday is...

my only bday party..

my 21th bday party sux...

haix...

my parent don really care if i am cutiin my cake...

yes...

they came...

wif their friends...

play n chat wif them...

how about me??

my cake is out...

candle is lighted...

but...

haix...

till i almost blow my candle then they appear...

haix...

after my bday..

alot of my friends couldnt turn up...

my chalet was lik a ghost town...

let see...

when next wed comes...

i want 2 see...

does everything changes??

my luck my life...

since tat guy say everything will go better when i reach 23(in my chinese bday)

i will see...

how will it changes...

ppl say guy will change 2 another person when they r 21th...

let see wat i will bcome..

but y do i haf a feeliin i will go back???

hopefully i wont...

haix...

hu care how i feel?

hu i am 2 others...

standiin on this world is myself..

wat i do is wat i do...

aint by any1...

i care ppl but i don get anything back..

worst...

i get worst 2 come...

hahaha

mayb just mayb...

i should just b alone...

aint it better???

i wont feel hurt nor pain..

i laugh i smile...

does it mean i am happy???

hmmm

tat a question 2 b ask...

hahaaha