Sunday, May 29, 2011

there isnt enough time...

i been thinking again as usual..
make me having this sleepless nights.
there is three things make me unable to sleep at nite...
1. the pain of the stupid irritating skin
2. thoughts run through my mind
3. over tired body


for today is thoughts that is running full speed in my mind...
u know what the funny thing that i will do to make myself sleep???
tell a bed time story to myself!!
funny right??
but is not like story book kind of bed time story..
can say can be like a fairy tale story but more towards real life story..
most of the time is love..
i mean i found a gal that is perfect for me...
hahaha
all kind of funny and sweet ways..
or stories like novels.
and ofcause fact of life or what am i going to do or have to do.


for tonight, is all about what i should do, how should i make money. yesterday, after Mathew`s birthday, i took a cab back. the cab driver was telling me not to work so much, cause the money in the world is always there, need not need to work till so hard. cause in the end when u get sick or even death due to overwork, is not worth it at all. i totally understand n agrees with him, but the biggest problem about me is i always push myself to the max, or should i say i never know what is call stop.
sound like i am a working dog, cause as long as u don stop them, they will just run till they die.


but in another way, i should work hard work long, cause i don`t have the time. i not saying i dying or the world is going to end or what. i saying that my family my parents don have the time. by right i am the youngest in the family i should b enjoying alot, but just because of one person the whole family have to pay for it. by next yr, my dad`s CPF will b use up, then who is going to pay the load of the house?? yes, my dad is driving a taxi now. but as a son, i wont wan to see my own family to be so tired. not to say about the loads n alot more. there is alot of things money cant buy, but without money, there is nothing we could do.


now, i alway tell myself, i do what i do, i know what i know, i do what i MUST do, i know what i MUST know. 
fate is a thing that i am not strong at. fate is a thing i keep losing.


maybe in a way wei tian reject me is good. think of it, there isn`t enough time for her and me.
i saw this words, if i can live forever then i will fall in love with someone. at first i thought is because of lonely that why love is there. but after thinking over again and again, i start to really understand what it means. it`s saying human life is too short for feelings and life, there too much things in life we need to learn n yet we have too little time for it.


i am a very weak person, so i think i will jio wei tian is because of lonely and the need of someone there for me but ofcause i do like her that why i jio her, i do have feeling de ok!! hahaaha
or is it wei tian see it that why she reject me??? hahaha lol this is not fairy tale, in real life, there is alway more bad things then good. that why we make good things important to us. just like gold or water(in the desert) because there ain`t much that why is important.
but sometime i wish that fairytale do exists. atleast i will have more hope in life or a brighter life.. hahaha

Friday, May 20, 2011

almost a fall.. almost...

haha what the hell did i do again..
i let the person that i lik know about it??
feelin is alway a thing that i cant control!!
but again, i am happy that she knows..
cause my heart feel pain!! really pain, pain till i wan to hide away again...
hahahaha
at least i still feel pain..
is been so long since i feel anything le..
the pain at least show me that i still a human
hahaaha
lucky there is alway family to hold me back, able to let me stand up again..
i not sayin family is there for me, i mean i have to take care of my family that y i cant fall not till i clear the debts...
haix...
i really feel that she is the one that able to hold me up..
i know is kind of bad that i need her that y i lik her..
i lik her first b4 i need her..
there`s a sayin, u love her because u need her n u need her that y u love her..
it sound the sound but infact is diff!!
haix..
is kind of hit me the hardest is she tellin me she lik me as a brother de lik..

the reason y i see fact is because there is higher % of seeing the truth...
sometime i rather see hope..
but yet, hope is alway seem then b there..
she reply saying u know me for so many yrs...
what does that means???
she will still b friends with me even if i tell her i lik her??
or she just need sometime single before being attach??
or other meanin??
this is what i hate about hope, they give u all kind of answers...
good n bad...
knowing myself, i will choose the bad side..
but i really hope that is the good side!!!

seriously, i also understand why people wont lik me...
i often hide who i am.. do stupid things, and with this stupid blood problem that will make my skin to be this way!!! how many people can understand and take it??
even me myself sometime could not take it..
haix...
life is never easy for anyone at all..
haahaha
laugh is the only thing i can do to face life!!!
hahahaa

Thursday, January 6, 2011

old life new time

is been a long time since i blog again...
alot of things have change le...
yet feeling is still the old self..
i got a gf le but yet..
haix..
the feelin of lost have never been lost..
is not bcuz i still have feeling for rebecca tat cause me lost..
is just tat i have lost hope in feelin..
haiz..
y will things will bcome till lik this???
my past self is fightin to get out..
no no no i should not say my past self...
should say the inner bad of me is growin..
the gd thing is i wont do things is bad..
but just relationship part will hurt someone...
haix...
i may goiin soon break up wif this gf i having now...
7 months together..
hope she can take it...

partly is bcuz of how is she is tat y i will wan a break up..
partly is bcuz i don really haf a feelin..
partly is bcuz i don haf other time for her..
she is a gd gal over all..
is just me tat y will break up...
i will make her sad n cry in future...
i don wan myself to hurt her..
no matter is breakin up or together, i will still hurt her...
y don i kill it now...
no matter wat i am alway a shadow...
no diff if i bcome a bad person...
a bad person is alway easiler to b...

i will b startin a business soon...
hopefully it will work...
if everything works, my parents will b enjoyin their life by the end of next yr if 2012 is not the end of the world...
hahahaha
i am a weird person..
as alway...
hahaha