haix...

wat the hell sia...

my life is in a mess sia...

haix...

tryiin 2 make things rite...

haha

i find out i start 2 hide hu i am really is le sia...

everytime ppl don see really hu i am le...

i will just change n change...

haix..

wat 2 do...

hide is oso another way of protectiin myself...

my 21th bday is comiin le sia...

haix...

but my skin isnt gettin better sia...

wtf sia...

so is my bike lesson...

hahaha

still at p 1...

saded...

diao...

hopefully 2morrow is another better day...

life is diff everyday...

wat is feeliin??? seem lik there is no way i could run away..

is nov now...

another 3 months will b my 21th birthday...

alway wanted some1 2 celebrate wif me..

but seem lik i haf 2 celebrate myself again...

21th birthday i quite important 2 me...

but yet i haf 2 celebrate myself again...

so wat if i got alot of friends??

hahaha

i still haf 2 celebrate myself...

sux feeliin...

but yet this is life...

it alway sux`s...

isnt it??

i smile i laugh but my heart is not tat way...

wtf..

weariin a mask???

not really..

smiliin 2 other is another way of me 2 get around wif things...

even if i smile even if i am not happy does not say i am actiin or fakeiin..

is just i haf 2...

i joke i talk cock...

n tat is wat u think i am..

then u r wrong i am more than tat...

is just tat i never show hu i am r...

mayb is another way 2 protect myself from beeniin hurt again...

hu is able 2 understand hu i am???

haix...

hmm i found out i start 2 bcome emotionless le...

i really need some1 help..

but..

i never receives...

hope 2morrow is a better day...

hope n pray

heart of life...

feeliin is the only thing we briin when we r bought 2 life by our parents...

but yet is the thing tat we forgot about it often...

feeliin not only 2 ourself but 2 others...

even tot tat we r born alone...

but feeliin is the thing tat bring others together...

but yet...

people don believe in feeliin..

most of the time is 2 protect ourself...

we don show feeliin 2 others...

feeliin is the start of all things...

feeliin is everything...

everything we do we haf...

is all link up wif feeliin isn`t it???

but yet..

trust believe love understand...

is the things tat people don do or believe..

human is the smartest of all liviin things in earth...

but yet was unable 2 do a very very simple thing...

tat is see how feeliin feels...

in fact...

i see tat is wat human r born 2 b...

haviin feelins...

wifout it...

i don think u are human at all...

y we don believe in feeliin...

most of the time is because we were mislead by our thinkiin...

in a way...

we became lik this is because we human born 2 b smart...

able 2 think..

by that...

we cannot fully feel wat we feels...

never use ur heart 2 think never use ur brain 2 feel..

we feel first before we think...

never think that we feel...

cause it will in the end mislead us...

we never think all our life...

but we will feel through our life...

heart is what form human...

brain is what we use 2 feel..

as simple as say...

but is the most hard 2 b done...

there really a up n down in my life lately...

when i thought my life is gettiin better...

it just went another way...

hahaha

but this is life...

isn`t it??

hahahaha

i do alway lik the wrong person...

wth...

hahahahahaha

smile...

keep on climbiin still...

wat wrong wif my dream???

shit lo...
i dream of rebecca again...
somemore her brother was in it...
the dream was...
i saw her brother...
play wif him..
then don know y he was missin...
then rebecca appear..
scolded me then went running around find him...
i went around findiin him oso...
in the end i did find him...
then she was very happy n angry...
after tat we had a talk...
the feeliin was so gd lo...
but b4 anything happen...
i wake up from my dream le...

haix...
nowaday...
i been smokiin alot...
n not been myself...
as in do wat oso can able 2 do or think seem lik my mind was else where...
i know i always don care things..
but i getiing worst lately...
haix...
i don know wat i should do le...
just do wat other ppl wan me 2 do...
never really care wat i wanted le...
haix...
been busy in army lately...
but...
haix...
hope 2morrow is a better day ba...

hmmmm...

hmmmm....

i tot my unlucky is gone...

haix...

it came back again...

hahaha

worst somemore...

bang bike 2 time

lost wallet 2 time

somemore in a month...

hahaha

sleepless nite again...

darn tiriin of life le...

is lik i needed 2 talk 2 someone..

but there isnt any...

does not means tat i joke around smile laugh around mean tat i am happy...

haix...

problem tat i really don know how 2 settle...

or is it i don care???

haix...

is true tat i got gd friends..

but..

they r busy wif their things oso...

haix...

i know is my problem...

but i couldnt cry tat the problem...

by the way...

i will b quite blur lately..

cause all the things happen have make me blur...

haix...

cant cry is a very big problem..

hmmm...

kind of lik jaslin...

but...

haix..

nth really gd happen when i lik a person...

is lik tat person wont lik me de...

as a stead la...

haix...

with the first look...

people will think tat...

i am lik a grewup kid...

20 yr old le still lik a kid lik tat...

hahaha

ok la...

i do have a kid in me...

but isnt everyone have 1 in them???

O.o???

is just tat i rather the kids side is out most of the time...

like tat isnt the mind at the most relax???

i mean...

when the time 2 b a adult...

i will b one...

but normally...

what 4 beiin so serious??

relax...

enjoy...

tat is what a kid will do...

that is what a kid does..

n ofcause that is what a kid know 2 do..

they r happy...

aint they???

if in life u cant b happy...

then what the meaniin of life then???

for me...

enjoy your life...

orelse...

what u do with your life then???

sad???

angry???

i never believe that a person never happy before...

is just that do the person really know about it???

haix...

when could i find a girl that i love as much or even more then rebecca???

haix...

haix...
2 week ago..
went 2 a pub wif eugene there all...
cause was eugene bday...
he was long gone die b4 12 lo...
haix...
then was there talkiin at the pub till 3, 4 am...
at first ryan wanted 2 know this gal jaslin..
but in the end...
is i am the person is talkiin 2 her...
omg..
i didnt know i could know a person tat haf problem almost alik wif me sia...
haha
but she seem 2 unable 2 get through some problem wif is the worst of the problem...
cause this few problem can let a person 2 gif up on themselves or even gif ur their life de...
she still didnt know i 2 haf the same problem...
na..
i think is better 2 let her find out herself better...

just now i was usiin my desktop harddisk 2 bring out my files..
saw alot of rebecca pic..
i really really cant belive tat till now i still haf feeliin 4 her...
is been almost 2 n a half yr le, since we broke up le...
haix...
n more of all...
she has not talk 2 me 4 2 yrs plus le..
haix...

ytd i found out amy is been sayiin alot of bad things behind me sia...
things lik i haf a son le...
i make a 10 yr old gal haf my child something lik tat...
haix...
don care la...
wat she wan 2 say let her say ba...
haix...
those tat know me..
will know wat type of person i am...
mayb??
hahaa
i am hu i am...
tat is it...
i really really tired 2 explain hu i am...
person haf eyes 2 see...
no need use ear 2 hear de...
so wat at facebook i added people i don know...
cant i know new friends???
i mean lik...
addiin people tat i don know means despo???
hahaha
she haf no idea how a despo person is...
but again...
is how she thinks...
how can i stop her...
haix..
i think the best way is 2 get a gf...
hahaha..
lol
just kiddin...
i mean as gettin a gf 2 solve the problem is a joke...
hopefully i can get a gf b4 my 21th bday ba...
but ofcuz a real gf la...
not those play play type de...
haix...
people around me haf gf, bf or even gettin married..
n me???
hahaha
still at single life...
hahaha
haix...
lazy 2 upload my other blogs from my ipod sia...
see when i free i upload ba...
hahaha
but again...
no1 is readiin my blog lo...
so i can use my own sweet time 2 upload...
hahaha
;'p

mmmm...

seem lik i haf a very long time never write a blog le....
all bcuz i got a new ipod..
ipod touch...
this few month alot of thing happen...
changes in alot of things...
but i did write blogs...but is all in my ipod notess...
hahaha...
see when i free n haf the mood i will write it in my blog ba...hahaha