there isnt enough time...

i been thinking again as usual..
make me having this sleepless nights.
there is three things make me unable to sleep at nite...
1. the pain of the stupid irritating skin
2. thoughts run through my mind
3. over tired body


for today is thoughts that is running full speed in my mind...
u know what the funny thing that i will do to make myself sleep???
tell a bed time story to myself!!
funny right??
but is not like story book kind of bed time story..
can say can be like a fairy tale story but more towards real life story..
most of the time is love..
i mean i found a gal that is perfect for me...
hahaha
all kind of funny and sweet ways..
or stories like novels.
and ofcause fact of life or what am i going to do or have to do.


for tonight, is all about what i should do, how should i make money. yesterday, after Mathew`s birthday, i took a cab back. the cab driver was telling me not to work so much, cause the money in the world is always there, need not need to work till so hard. cause in the end when u get sick or even death due to overwork, is not worth it at all. i totally understand n agrees with him, but the biggest problem about me is i always push myself to the max, or should i say i never know what is call stop.
sound like i am a working dog, cause as long as u don stop them, they will just run till they die.


but in another way, i should work hard work long, cause i don`t have the time. i not saying i dying or the world is going to end or what. i saying that my family my parents don have the time. by right i am the youngest in the family i should b enjoying alot, but just because of one person the whole family have to pay for it. by next yr, my dad`s CPF will b use up, then who is going to pay the load of the house?? yes, my dad is driving a taxi now. but as a son, i wont wan to see my own family to be so tired. not to say about the loads n alot more. there is alot of things money cant buy, but without money, there is nothing we could do.


now, i alway tell myself, i do what i do, i know what i know, i do what i MUST do, i know what i MUST know. 
fate is a thing that i am not strong at. fate is a thing i keep losing.


maybe in a way wei tian reject me is good. think of it, there isn`t enough time for her and me.
i saw this words, if i can live forever then i will fall in love with someone. at first i thought is because of lonely that why love is there. but after thinking over again and again, i start to really understand what it means. it`s saying human life is too short for feelings and life, there too much things in life we need to learn n yet we have too little time for it.


i am a very weak person, so i think i will jio wei tian is because of lonely and the need of someone there for me but ofcause i do like her that why i jio her, i do have feeling de ok!! hahaaha
or is it wei tian see it that why she reject me??? hahaha lol this is not fairy tale, in real life, there is alway more bad things then good. that why we make good things important to us. just like gold or water(in the desert) because there ain`t much that why is important.
but sometime i wish that fairytale do exists. atleast i will have more hope in life or a brighter life.. hahaha

almost a fall.. almost...

haha what the hell did i do again..

i let the person that i lik know about it??

feelin is alway a thing that i cant control!!

but again, i am happy that she knows..

cause my heart feel pain!! really pain, pain till i wan to hide away again...

hahahaha

at least i still feel pain..

is been so long since i feel anything le..

the pain at least show me that i still a human

hahaaha

lucky there is alway family to hold me back, able to let me stand up again..

i not sayin family is there for me, i mean i have to take care of my family that y i cant fall not till i clear the debts...

haix...

i really feel that she is the one that able to hold me up..

i know is kind of bad that i need her that y i lik her..

i lik her first b4 i need her..

there`s a sayin, u love her because u need her n u need her that y u love her..

it sound the sound but infact is diff!!

haix..

is kind of hit me the hardest is she tellin me she lik me as a brother de lik..

the reason y i see fact is because there is higher % of seeing the truth...

sometime i rather see hope..

but yet, hope is alway seem then b there..

she reply saying u know me for so many yrs...

what does that means???

she will still b friends with me even if i tell her i lik her??

or she just need sometime single before being attach??

or other meanin??

this is what i hate about hope, they give u all kind of answers...

good n bad...

knowing myself, i will choose the bad side..

but i really hope that is the good side!!!

seriously, i also understand why people wont lik me...

i often hide who i am.. do stupid things, and with this stupid blood problem that will make my skin to be this way!!! how many people can understand and take it??

even me myself sometime could not take it..

haix...

life is never easy for anyone at all..

haahaha

laugh is the only thing i can do to face life!!!

hahahaa

old life new time

is been a long time since i blog again...
alot of things have change le...
yet feeling is still the old self..
i got a gf le but yet..
haix..
the feelin of lost have never been lost..
is not bcuz i still have feeling for rebecca tat cause me lost..
is just tat i have lost hope in feelin..
haiz..
y will things will bcome till lik this???
my past self is fightin to get out..
no no no i should not say my past self...
should say the inner bad of me is growin..
the gd thing is i wont do things is bad..
but just relationship part will hurt someone...
haix...
i may goiin soon break up wif this gf i having now...
7 months together..
hope she can take it...

partly is bcuz of how is she is tat y i will wan a break up..
partly is bcuz i don really haf a feelin..
partly is bcuz i don haf other time for her..
she is a gd gal over all..
is just me tat y will break up...
i will make her sad n cry in future...
i don wan myself to hurt her..
no matter is breakin up or together, i will still hurt her...
y don i kill it now...
no matter wat i am alway a shadow...
no diff if i bcome a bad person...
a bad person is alway easiler to b...

i will b startin a business soon...
hopefully it will work...
if everything works, my parents will b enjoyin their life by the end of next yr if 2012 is not the end of the world...
hahahaha
i am a weird person..
as alway...
hahaha

given up.. finally..

FINALLY!!!

i put rebecca down le...

but ofcuz i do haf feeliin 4 her..

but atleast..

i put her down le..

r/s 2 me is the only thing i don haf..

tat y i want it so much..

but ppl think i despo..

ya la..

despo 4 some1 2 care 4 me la..

friends cant b alway there 4 u..

at least gf will b wif u more often n will show more care..

haix...

wat i wan is very easy n simple de...

but ppl just don understand n hear..

now i sick again...

hu is there 4 me??

haix..

i cough till i cant sleep at nite..

ltr my boss sure don care wan me go back work de..

at nite still got exam...

hahaaha

hope everytime will go well ba..

should i quit smokiin n drinkiin??

haix...

i wonder y do i write so much...

i may look lik a idiot, but i aint not one...

hu i am is hu i am...

wat the hell

wat is friendship??

seriously la..

just a simple meet up..

is it so hard..

so wat i am stranger 2 u..

since u gif me ur number n haf talk 4 sometime..

just bcome u emo, then suddenly don wan talk 2 me..

say i donno u..

so don wan talk 2 much 2 u??

n yet u say u don haf much friends..

friends is jsut a passer-by..

wtf..

wat u did 2 me..

i guess u did it 2 many ppl..

normal friends u can say i donno u tat much so i don wan talk 2 u..

how u will get true friends??

haix...

sch, life, army...

is sure so mess up..

n fuck up..

just needed some1 2 peii 2 talk 2 is it so hard??

wat the fuck...

is not lik i wan gf leh..

is i just wan a friends tat i can talk my heart out..

i try..

but yet ppl just don wan gif u a chance..

is a chance 2 b friends leh..

not gf leh..

so wat the fuck u been hurt..

u think u r the only 1 hurt b4??

just bcuz u gal u think u get the worst..

fuck la...

u protect urself..

not block out every1..

haix..

ppl nowadays really know how 2 use ppl..

u all use me i don mind at all lo..

but in return..

just peii me..

talk 2 me...

tat hard ma...

wat??

i ghost ar..

i robot is it..

i don haf feeliin meh..

does not means i don show means i don haf lo...

fuck la..

i really wan just find a gf n fuck off from others lo..

haix...

hmm.. i think i start 2 turn 2 my old life sia..

i haf done thing tat aint tat gd wif gals..

hmm..

this will hurt their feeliin...

i know i never force them or anything..

is she ok i ok de..

but yet..

i did things 2 hurt her..

haix..

this mayb a gd thing 4 me..

as i start 2 care 4 myself more..

but yet hurtiin ppl??

tat isnt the thing i wan 2 do..

i change bcuz i don wan 2 hurt myself nor others..

wat can i do??

hmmm...

i really did change..

but yet is hu i am b4..

tat aint gd at all..

ppl should move forward..

not back..

hmmm...

just hope the things i do will not harm my parents..

the wrong i did..

i bear it myself..

at least i feel sry..

tat means i haven turn 2 him yet...

which is gd..

means tat i could able 2 change back...

haix..

but means tat..

i will hurt myself??

hmmmm

i think alot of ppl will say i should just care 4 myself then others...

but yet..

i don wan 2 hurt or harm others..

wat should i do??

WAT?!?!?!?!?!

haix

hmmm should plan 4 my life le...

i should plan 4 my life le sia...

time really do fly..

now i am 21 le...

very soon i haf 2 get out 2 the world n live le...

i haf a choice...

or more then 1 instead..

i can choice 2 work part-time...

n study or i could work full time n work part-time...

alot of my friends is been askiin me 2 b in a business wif them...

weird 2 say..

they say i could b in gd help...

i wonder...

i aint rich..

nor tat smart...

but y find me??

they told me i haf a view tat no other haf...

do i??

i really don think tat way...

just tat i think deeper n more then normal ppl ba...

i bet there r much more ppl tat is able 2 do better then me outside...

there is alway this sayiin...

there is a mountain higher then another...

n there will b a sky tat is higher then mountain...

so...

there wont b a person tat is forever the top...

there will b up n downs..

i plan 2 buy a cam this yr...

then end of the yr a ipad...

or mayb a remote airplane...

the best is this 3 by this yr...

hope i can make it...

mayb is time 2 gif up...

mayb is time 4 me 2 gif up le...
but again...
y do i still hang on...
partly is i am afraid...
how many gals will able 2 b wif me wif the skin problem i haviin...
ya..
there is a sayiin...
no matter how bad u look...
as long as i love u...
but b4 ppl love me..
i guess my skin problem may scare them away...
but again...
is just a mayb...
i am a person tat keep 2 myself alot...
n i don darn 2 step in2 a area tat i don know...
is it the time 4 me 2 step out???
haix...
sometime i rather 2 live i was..
i don care how others look at me...
do wat i lik...
or in a way i think is right...
but...
in life ppl haf 2 move on...
no matter how much wanted 2 turn around...
no matter how many time u haf done wrong...
as long keep tryiin...
we r able 2 ans 2 ourself...
no matter is gd or bad...
fail or pass...

there is only 1 life 4 every1...
every1 will n can haf a sec chance...
but yet...
hu will gif a sec chance??
is every1 haf a sec chance???
haix...
this is life...
life is alway a question...

now i am 21th le...
there more heavy loads on my shoulder le..
family..
life..
sch
army...

family??
haix..
not goiin 2 talk 2 much about it...
just dissapointed..

life??
1 word...
sux..

sch...
hahaha..
was lik hell...
almost unable 2 keep up...
hopefuly i could pull through..

army??
BEST SIA...
i tot officer should settle problem then let it worsts??
then in the end i haf 2 get in 2 settle..
hu am i??
i just a PTE SAMUEL...
wat could i do??
wat can i do??

over all...
my life is sure a 'happeniin' thing 2 see...
but this is life??
hu 2 blame??
hmmm good question...

times passes...

time really pass fast...

now i am 21th le...

2day is rebecca 19th bday...

haix...

but the most sad part about bday is...

my only bday party..

my 21th bday party sux...

haix...

my parent don really care if i am cutiin my cake...

yes...

they came...

wif their friends...

play n chat wif them...

how about me??

my cake is out...

candle is lighted...

but...

haix...

till i almost blow my candle then they appear...

haix...

after my bday..

alot of my friends couldnt turn up...

my chalet was lik a ghost town...

let see...

when next wed comes...

i want 2 see...

does everything changes??

my luck my life...

since tat guy say everything will go better when i reach 23(in my chinese bday)

i will see...

how will it changes...

ppl say guy will change 2 another person when they r 21th...

let see wat i will bcome..

but y do i haf a feeliin i will go back???

hopefully i wont...

haix...

hu care how i feel?

hu i am 2 others...

standiin on this world is myself..

wat i do is wat i do...

aint by any1...

i care ppl but i don get anything back..

worst...

i get worst 2 come...

hahaha

mayb just mayb...

i should just b alone...

aint it better???

i wont feel hurt nor pain..

i laugh i smile...

does it mean i am happy???

hmmm

tat a question 2 b ask...

hahaaha

haix...

wat the hell sia...

my life is in a mess sia...

haix...

tryiin 2 make things rite...

haha

i find out i start 2 hide hu i am really is le sia...

everytime ppl don see really hu i am le...

i will just change n change...

haix..

wat 2 do...

hide is oso another way of protectiin myself...

my 21th bday is comiin le sia...

haix...

but my skin isnt gettin better sia...

wtf sia...

so is my bike lesson...

hahaha

still at p 1...

saded...

diao...

hopefully 2morrow is another better day...

life is diff everyday...

wat is feeliin??? seem lik there is no way i could run away..

is nov now...

another 3 months will b my 21th birthday...

alway wanted some1 2 celebrate wif me..

but seem lik i haf 2 celebrate myself again...

21th birthday i quite important 2 me...

but yet i haf 2 celebrate myself again...

so wat if i got alot of friends??

hahaha

i still haf 2 celebrate myself...

sux feeliin...

but yet this is life...

it alway sux`s...

isnt it??

i smile i laugh but my heart is not tat way...

wtf..

weariin a mask???

not really..

smiliin 2 other is another way of me 2 get around wif things...

even if i smile even if i am not happy does not say i am actiin or fakeiin..

is just i haf 2...

i joke i talk cock...

n tat is wat u think i am..

then u r wrong i am more than tat...

is just tat i never show hu i am r...

mayb is another way 2 protect myself from beeniin hurt again...

hu is able 2 understand hu i am???

haix...

hmm i found out i start 2 bcome emotionless le...

i really need some1 help..

but..

i never receives...

hope 2morrow is a better day...

hope n pray

heart of life...

feeliin is the only thing we briin when we r bought 2 life by our parents...

but yet is the thing tat we forgot about it often...

feeliin not only 2 ourself but 2 others...

even tot tat we r born alone...

but feeliin is the thing tat bring others together...

but yet...

people don believe in feeliin..

most of the time is 2 protect ourself...

we don show feeliin 2 others...

feeliin is the start of all things...

feeliin is everything...

everything we do we haf...

is all link up wif feeliin isn`t it???

but yet..

trust believe love understand...

is the things tat people don do or believe..

human is the smartest of all liviin things in earth...

but yet was unable 2 do a very very simple thing...

tat is see how feeliin feels...

in fact...

i see tat is wat human r born 2 b...

haviin feelins...

wifout it...

i don think u are human at all...

y we don believe in feeliin...

most of the time is because we were mislead by our thinkiin...

in a way...

we became lik this is because we human born 2 b smart...

able 2 think..

by that...

we cannot fully feel wat we feels...

never use ur heart 2 think never use ur brain 2 feel..

we feel first before we think...

never think that we feel...

cause it will in the end mislead us...

we never think all our life...

but we will feel through our life...

heart is what form human...

brain is what we use 2 feel..

as simple as say...

but is the most hard 2 b done...

there really a up n down in my life lately...

when i thought my life is gettiin better...

it just went another way...

hahaha

but this is life...

isn`t it??

hahahaha

i do alway lik the wrong person...

wth...

hahahahahaha

smile...

keep on climbiin still...

wat wrong wif my dream???

shit lo...
i dream of rebecca again...
somemore her brother was in it...
the dream was...
i saw her brother...
play wif him..
then don know y he was missin...
then rebecca appear..
scolded me then went running around find him...
i went around findiin him oso...
in the end i did find him...
then she was very happy n angry...
after tat we had a talk...
the feeliin was so gd lo...
but b4 anything happen...
i wake up from my dream le...

haix...
nowaday...
i been smokiin alot...
n not been myself...
as in do wat oso can able 2 do or think seem lik my mind was else where...
i know i always don care things..
but i getiing worst lately...
haix...
i don know wat i should do le...
just do wat other ppl wan me 2 do...
never really care wat i wanted le...
haix...
been busy in army lately...
but...
haix...
hope 2morrow is a better day ba...

hmmmm...

hmmmm....

i tot my unlucky is gone...

haix...

it came back again...

hahaha

worst somemore...

bang bike 2 time

lost wallet 2 time

somemore in a month...

hahaha

sleepless nite again...

darn tiriin of life le...

is lik i needed 2 talk 2 someone..

but there isnt any...

does not means tat i joke around smile laugh around mean tat i am happy...

haix...

problem tat i really don know how 2 settle...

or is it i don care???

haix...

is true tat i got gd friends..

but..

they r busy wif their things oso...

haix...

i know is my problem...

but i couldnt cry tat the problem...

by the way...

i will b quite blur lately..

cause all the things happen have make me blur...

haix...

cant cry is a very big problem..

hmmm...

kind of lik jaslin...

but...

haix..

nth really gd happen when i lik a person...

is lik tat person wont lik me de...

as a stead la...

haix...

with the first look...

people will think tat...

i am lik a grewup kid...

20 yr old le still lik a kid lik tat...

hahaha

ok la...

i do have a kid in me...

but isnt everyone have 1 in them???

O.o???

is just tat i rather the kids side is out most of the time...

like tat isnt the mind at the most relax???

i mean...

when the time 2 b a adult...

i will b one...

but normally...

what 4 beiin so serious??

relax...

enjoy...

tat is what a kid will do...

that is what a kid does..

n ofcause that is what a kid know 2 do..

they r happy...

aint they???

if in life u cant b happy...

then what the meaniin of life then???

for me...

enjoy your life...

orelse...

what u do with your life then???

sad???

angry???

i never believe that a person never happy before...

is just that do the person really know about it???

haix...

when could i find a girl that i love as much or even more then rebecca???

haix...

haix...
2 week ago..
went 2 a pub wif eugene there all...
cause was eugene bday...
he was long gone die b4 12 lo...
haix...
then was there talkiin at the pub till 3, 4 am...
at first ryan wanted 2 know this gal jaslin..
but in the end...
is i am the person is talkiin 2 her...
omg..
i didnt know i could know a person tat haf problem almost alik wif me sia...
haha
but she seem 2 unable 2 get through some problem wif is the worst of the problem...
cause this few problem can let a person 2 gif up on themselves or even gif ur their life de...
she still didnt know i 2 haf the same problem...
na..
i think is better 2 let her find out herself better...

just now i was usiin my desktop harddisk 2 bring out my files..
saw alot of rebecca pic..
i really really cant belive tat till now i still haf feeliin 4 her...
is been almost 2 n a half yr le, since we broke up le...
haix...
n more of all...
she has not talk 2 me 4 2 yrs plus le..
haix...

ytd i found out amy is been sayiin alot of bad things behind me sia...
things lik i haf a son le...
i make a 10 yr old gal haf my child something lik tat...
haix...
don care la...
wat she wan 2 say let her say ba...
haix...
those tat know me..
will know wat type of person i am...
mayb??
hahaa
i am hu i am...
tat is it...
i really really tired 2 explain hu i am...
person haf eyes 2 see...
no need use ear 2 hear de...
so wat at facebook i added people i don know...
cant i know new friends???
i mean lik...
addiin people tat i don know means despo???
hahaha
she haf no idea how a despo person is...
but again...
is how she thinks...
how can i stop her...
haix..
i think the best way is 2 get a gf...
hahaha..
lol
just kiddin...
i mean as gettin a gf 2 solve the problem is a joke...
hopefully i can get a gf b4 my 21th bday ba...
but ofcuz a real gf la...
not those play play type de...
haix...
people around me haf gf, bf or even gettin married..
n me???
hahaha
still at single life...
hahaha
haix...
lazy 2 upload my other blogs from my ipod sia...
see when i free i upload ba...
hahaha
but again...
no1 is readiin my blog lo...
so i can use my own sweet time 2 upload...
hahaha
;'p

mmmm...

seem lik i haf a very long time never write a blog le....
all bcuz i got a new ipod..
ipod touch...
this few month alot of thing happen...
changes in alot of things...
but i did write blogs...but is all in my ipod notess...
hahaha...
see when i free n haf the mood i will write it in my blog ba...hahaha

haix haix

haix....
wei tian tian seem 2 lik her bf alot sia...
seem lik i don stand a chance...
but lik i say i will change...
i will try harder...
hopefully she may lik me....

i tot i can get through

alot of ppl say i was a very strong person...
but the fact i was a very weak person...
i find out in my blog i never write wat type of person i was...
alot of person tot i was a very strong person even my own sister say the same thing...
she every time will say even if throw me in the forest i can live very well...
yes is true tat...
i do haf the skill 2 live well myself...
but i aint a person tat do not lik 2 b alone...
never was...
from young..
there is was alot of problem i tot was nth...
1st is my family...
my parent haf their problems..
they cant gif me wat i wanted...
but really understand wat type of feeliin i haf...
they r gd parents...
but just tat they do not know how 2 see how we feel...
tat all...
but i tot it was alrite...
but now i do not know how 2 talk 2 them...
n added on..
bcuz of my brother...
me my parent will start a fight when we start talkiin...
haix..
y my brother rite??
from young, only my aunt n my brother is the only person tat care 4 me, but bcuz my aunt live far so mean i don see her often n my brother was 9 yrs older then me tat mean he don haf much time 4 me...
but bcuz of a woman..
bcuz of enjoy he changes...
or he was alway lik this tat i don know...
now..
me n my parents n brother is lik water n fire...
not many people know about it..
n only my sister see it...
in other people eyes..
we seem 2 b a normal family...
but the fact is not...
2nd
was my skin problem...
from young...
my skin problem was very bad...
bcuz of this...
i don haf much friends....
the best part is...
i was treated lik a monster..
tat was the time i haf the first feel lik i was not important 2 any1...
i was only 8 when i feel this way...
at tat time i was no hope at anything..
cause wat ever i hoped 4 never happen..
i was a very hot-temp person...
not many people think tat way of me now sia...
bcuz i don belive n hope things..
i show alot of my temp 2 people...
this causes people 2 stay away from me...
then after a few yrs...
i suddenly feel tat y am i alife??
since most of the time i was alone...
at tat time i was 12...
cute rite...
12 yr old wan 2 die sia...
i almost jump down a buildiin...
but bcuz a kid, i understand something about life...
life was never itself..
hu gif me life..
n how i should repay them by gifiin me life...
n i know it feel beiin alone n hurt...
i can help others tat haf the same problem..
the first time i haven done it..
but the sec things, i am proud 2 say...
i been doiin it...
i love kids now..
but i wasnt lik this when i younger...
i hate them..
cause at tat time i never inderstand y can kids laugh n smile lik no worry de...
n most of all...
they don hate...
i undertand y when the kid so call save me...
u know tat kid ar...
i bully him/her b4 (cause i 4get how the kid look lik n don rmb the kid is a gal or boii)..
when i was about 2 jump...
the kid was there..
the kid ask me...
kor kor can play ball wif me...
my parent don let me go downstair play..
only u here can peii me play ma...
i never think anything..
my mind was blank..
but i know i walk down n play wif the kid...
after tat the kid went hm..
so did i...
when i was goiin hm...
i was there thinkiin..
he should hate me..
y do the kid still wan 2 play wif me...
i suddenly understand this...
if life is full of hate...
wat is life 4??
this was the only thing in my life now tat i belive...
so don worry...
i wont gif up my life le...

ofcuz...
i haf alot of bad things..
lik..
hot temp...
sometime think 2 the bad side 2 much...
act..
doiin things over head...
doiin alot of wrong things..
sometime when i was wrong i will never say i was wrong..
haix ya...
i got alot of bad things de la...
no matter wat i still human de ma...
ofcuz got alot of bad things de...
but the best things...
i keep remind me wat i did wrong wan 2 keep chagne 2 b the better...
sometime...
i really wan 2 change back 2 hu i was last time...
yes i was hot-temp..
don talk 2 any1...
but at least i wont care the problem i faciin now...
i know this is call runniin away...
but i really don know wat 2 do..
there is a way i know la...
but..
it wont happen 2 me le la...
i gif up le...
tat is find a gf..
reason ar..
haix yo i lazy 2 write wor..
hahaha
see lor mayb i will explain next time...
beiin hu i am b4..
is oso goiin back 2 where i started...
hopefuly things will turn out gd ba...
haix...
tired le la...
haix yo...
so long never write so long de blog le wor...
haixx...

again n again.. likiin the wrong person..

first rebecca...
now wei tian..
haix..
y do i always fall in love wif the wrong person...
mayb gals tat i lik r not mena 4 me ba...
i wonder...
wat happy thing tat will make me happy??
my life just gettin worst everytime i see it...
my family don seem lik a family anymore...
my feeliin is gettiin die..
i been through alot of things..
everytime i get over the problem some way or another..
another problem will come...
n 1 is harder then another 2 cross..
i really do not know how long can i hold on...
i really need some1 wif me..
support me...
but..
haix...
mayb people tat was born alone haf 2 face alone...
last time..
i use 2 think there is nth tat can stop me...
but now...
even if is the things tat i love..
i am 2 tired of tryiin le...
i really want 2 haf love..
2 b loved...
but tat seem 2 b so far away...
mayb just mayb...
is better 4 me 2 haf only myself in my life...
then mayb i will b happier...

haix.. the more i understand the worst i get...

sometime i just hate myself 4 liviin in this world...
or the time i in...
cause the thinkiin i haf...
is aint at my age...
put it this way...
the age i am now in...
is the kid...
then thinkiin i haf..
is the old man...
when u put both 2gether...
there will b a crash...
tat cause alot of problem now...
haix...
seem lik i haf 2 make a choice now...
or this problem will get worst...

sometime i really hate myself 4 hafiin this old man inside me...
but again...
ytd suddenly i understand this..
i haf this old man is bcuz wat happen 2 me in the past...
n those idiot things tat happen is bcuz of my skin problem...
but wat if i don haf this type of skin problem wat type of person i will b??
i will b a fucker...
a person will only think 4 himself n only care 4 himself...

now i start 2 know wat the fuck did god get me this type of skin problem...
is 2 let me understand things...
but how much does god wan me 2 undestand till my skin get better???
haix...

4get it la....
tired of thinkiin this type of things le...

this few weeks...
really alot of things happen...
i almost do tat thing wif my god daughter...
work oso fuckiin alot of problem...
family 2...
haix...

o ya this yr i understand something in life...
if we really wan 2 do things rite..
as in do gd in business or study or even in bgr...
u will need only 3 things....
ur heart...
ur eye..
n ur hands...

rebecca is moviin house le...
i think is 2day or next week ba...
seem lik is really a bit bit 2 her le wor...
hahaha
shit...
y do i still love her tat much..
shit shit..
haix 4get it la..
thi is life...
when u love some1
is very hard 2 not love tat person...
mayb i should learn from her...
hate her..
hahaha
but i just cant...
haix..